He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I just want to make out with him forever
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
