this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
