I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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