I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
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