btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
