just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
