never play flip cup with pint glasses
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
