I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
