I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
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