champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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