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I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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