mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
