Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
