Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
