Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
