he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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