There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize