My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
