We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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