nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
