Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
My vagina just clenched in fear
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
