"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
