so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
