You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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