i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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