My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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