don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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