Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
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