I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
false alarm, still single
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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