Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
