dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
smell my finger.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
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