So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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