yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
