I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I wear drunk well.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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