i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
