Rock
Scissors
Fuck
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
