this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize