that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Randomize
