She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
