why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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