My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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