I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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