capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
