I think I just saw someone hide a body.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
