Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Randomize
