TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
