Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Randomize
