Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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