is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
