why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
