sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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