I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
