i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
