oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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