I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize