Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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