Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
NoShamevember. You game?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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