I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
