I could have mohawked her pubes.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
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