woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
vagina is talking i cant
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize