Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
