Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
