walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
