Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Randomize