my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
accomplished twins. life is a go
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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