Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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