are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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