dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
