Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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