During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
