i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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