His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
