Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
