Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Randomize
