There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Randomize
