Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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