just tell him i said nine months
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
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