I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
