I have demons in me.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
