oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize