allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
