I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
