fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Randomize
