We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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