Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
