Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
