Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
