I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
