Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
