Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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