did you get engaged???
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
