Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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