I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
