OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
